I am home alone this week. Therefore I have taken it upon myself to do all of the annoying, loud, messy things that me and my dog are forbidden to do when the parents are about, because it is fun.
So I give him his Kong, with a nice big bit of squirty cheese paste in. I lovingly plug the end with a frozen banana. "But fruit is not meat, and therefore inedible!" he cries, chews the end of the banana off, leaves it in several soft, half melted pieces on the carpet, and gives up. 'I do not understand, human. Pity me, so that I do not have to use my pathetic non-brain.' he whines. The banana being frozen, I have no choice but to poke it further in (or go to the kitchen to get a spoon, but the kitchen is a whole 15 feet away). I poke the rest of the banana in, but he can't lick around it properly to reach the cheesey goodness. I have to hold the Kong for him, because by now it is covered in drool and he is too damn stupid to keep it still by himself and sends it sliding slowly further away from him until his neck is at a giraffe like porportion. After a while, the cheese is firmly lodged in the bottom of the Kong and is no longer able to be licked out. Unfortunately, I am too damn stupid to realize that throwing said Kong on the floor is not a good way to dislodge cheese. It is, however, a good way to send cheese flying everywhere; including (but probably not limited to)

* All over me
* All over the dog
* All over the dog's bed
* All over loofah dog
* All over the floor
* All over the french doors
* All over the wall
* All over the shredder

FML